gyanjyoti

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviouslywould rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This noteshould be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years,since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involvedwith independence and the embracement of your community has proven tobe very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as wellas creating music along with reading and writing for too many yearsnow. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and themanic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way inwhich it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in thethe love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totallyadmire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. Itsimply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of wouldbe to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clockbefore I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power toappreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). Iappreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lotof people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciatethings when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightlynumb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for allthe people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but Istill can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I havefor everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply lovepeople too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. Thesad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don'tyou just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and adaughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of loveand joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good andwill do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where Ican barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becomingthe miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age ofseven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Onlybecause it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy.Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach foryour letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of anerratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and soremember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.

Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.

Please keep goingCourtney, for Frances.

For her life, which will be so much happierwithout me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

This is the suicide note of a mancalled Kurt Cobain, the lead vocalist of a rock band called“Nirvana”. He was 27 and the band was at its pinnacle of economicsuccess when this happenned. The reason was simple – He felt sorry! He was tired of pretending. He could not enjoy his music anymore. Hefelt a guilt when he used to walk out to the stage amidst thecheering by his fans. He thought that he is taking more from thisworld than he should. He knew he will never be able to give anythingpositive to this world – not even by his musical creation. He lostthat enthusiasm he once had as a child.

Some people call him mad. Others call him a loser. But those like me, who genuinely believe in Music and can appreciate the impact it has on society think of him as God. Hissacrifice will keep on inspiring musicians for centuries.

“You better die if you are half theman you used to be”